I spent Saturday night with relatives. We ate warm, home-made soup, played a board game, watched some Olympics, and chatted. Then the 10 of us closed off the night with all our instruments and sang songs for a few hours. Other than a few very brief moments, I was able to push the thoughts of my diagnosis from my mind. Lots of warm, loving memories are created in these moments.
It snowed overnight. Lots of snow! It was beautiful, but not the best day to get out of the house. So, my plans to pick up some supplies for my bathroom renovation fell through. Instead, I stayed home and binge-watched some Netflix shows and did a little housework. I managed to take my dog for a walk in the sun and snow right before sunset. It was spectacular. I should've taken a photo, but I didn't have my phone. I've always enjoyed the beauty of nature, and it was so good for my brain. I took a picture this afternoon of 3 little deer who were hanging around outside my office window.
As for eating, I've stocked my fridge with only healthy foods - lots of vegetables, chicken breast, fish, fruits, yogurt, nuts. I also cut out coffee from my routine. I'm sticking to herbal teas now. I also haven't had any sugar or junk food since I got the news. I'm hoping that will help with my overall energy levels.
Mentally, it's been a challenge to control my wayward thoughts. I've been interpreting every issue and pain I've had over the past few months as a problem. I keep thinking it has metastasized. Maybe it's spread to my brain because I've been getting headaches. Then, I reign in my thoughts and bring myself back to the present. I try to tell myself to stop making up stories when I don't have all the information. It's not easy. Waiting for the colposcopy appointment is so difficult... I just want to know the extent of the diagnosis.
I have had a lot of support from friends, relatives, and colleagues over the past few days. Just knowing you have so many people in your corner is empowering. I had a conversation with a work colleague this morning and she told me about her experience with the same diagnosis. She was diagnosed in her twenties, along with many of her family members - sisters, mother, grandmother. She is in her fifties now and said that, with the exception of her grandmother, they are all clear now and are living normal lives. She explained a lot about what to expect, which helped me to stay positive. Just hearing her story made me feel so much better and alleviated some of my fears.
I also had an email from an ex-work colleague from my time working in CancerControl research. She has some oncology contacts at the BCC agency and is willing to connect me to them if I need it. For some reason, hearing encouraging words from someone who works in researching this disease makes everything seem better.
I've also been listening to the guided meditations before I fall asleep because it's so hard to settle my brain. Sleep and appetite - the two things I'm still finding difficult. I've never been a good sleeper, anyway, but this is a completely different level of sleep issue. I managed to wake up this morning and for about 30 seconds, my health didn't enter my thoughts. It was a welcome reprieve. Here is a link to some guided meditations to help with stress relief and mindfulness: https://soundcloud.com/phsabc
You may have noticed that I'm trying to avoid the use the "c" word in my posts - although sometimes it can't be avoided. It's one way I feel I can take its power away. I'm going to focus on words such as 'health', 'recovery', 'strength', 'improvement', 'restoration', and 'liberation'.
Come on phone.... ring!
It snowed overnight. Lots of snow! It was beautiful, but not the best day to get out of the house. So, my plans to pick up some supplies for my bathroom renovation fell through. Instead, I stayed home and binge-watched some Netflix shows and did a little housework. I managed to take my dog for a walk in the sun and snow right before sunset. It was spectacular. I should've taken a photo, but I didn't have my phone. I've always enjoyed the beauty of nature, and it was so good for my brain. I took a picture this afternoon of 3 little deer who were hanging around outside my office window.
Mentally, it's been a challenge to control my wayward thoughts. I've been interpreting every issue and pain I've had over the past few months as a problem. I keep thinking it has metastasized. Maybe it's spread to my brain because I've been getting headaches. Then, I reign in my thoughts and bring myself back to the present. I try to tell myself to stop making up stories when I don't have all the information. It's not easy. Waiting for the colposcopy appointment is so difficult... I just want to know the extent of the diagnosis.
I have had a lot of support from friends, relatives, and colleagues over the past few days. Just knowing you have so many people in your corner is empowering. I had a conversation with a work colleague this morning and she told me about her experience with the same diagnosis. She was diagnosed in her twenties, along with many of her family members - sisters, mother, grandmother. She is in her fifties now and said that, with the exception of her grandmother, they are all clear now and are living normal lives. She explained a lot about what to expect, which helped me to stay positive. Just hearing her story made me feel so much better and alleviated some of my fears.
I also had an email from an ex-work colleague from my time working in CancerControl research. She has some oncology contacts at the BCC agency and is willing to connect me to them if I need it. For some reason, hearing encouraging words from someone who works in researching this disease makes everything seem better.
I've also been listening to the guided meditations before I fall asleep because it's so hard to settle my brain. Sleep and appetite - the two things I'm still finding difficult. I've never been a good sleeper, anyway, but this is a completely different level of sleep issue. I managed to wake up this morning and for about 30 seconds, my health didn't enter my thoughts. It was a welcome reprieve. Here is a link to some guided meditations to help with stress relief and mindfulness: https://soundcloud.com/phsabc
You may have noticed that I'm trying to avoid the use the "c" word in my posts - although sometimes it can't be avoided. It's one way I feel I can take its power away. I'm going to focus on words such as 'health', 'recovery', 'strength', 'improvement', 'restoration', and 'liberation'.
Come on phone.... ring!
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