Recovery takes a long time....

When I got 'home' to my parent's house, I seemed to feel pretty good for the most part. The surgeon didn't think I'd be able to make the whole drive without stopping, but I did okay. I was just tired. I think once you get your own clothes on, and leave the hospital, you immediately feel a little better - less like a sick patient.

I rode my mom's chair lift up the stairs and I felt like everything would be moving in the right direction from there. I had hoped to start healing quickly ... that didn't happen. I spent the rest of Thursday either sleeping or just reclining in a chair in front of the TV. I didn't stay awake for more than a couple of hours at a time. My niece and sisters both came to visit, and my eldest sister dropped off my dog to stay with us. She is pretty attached and had been depressed since I left. She was so happy to see me, but didn't leave my side much throughout the week at my parent's house.

On Friday, things got a little worse. My nausea was so bad that I was struggling to eat anything at all. This lasted for a few days, so my weight was dropping off me. I'm starting to look like a skeleton in places. This is the lightest weight I've been since I was in my early 20s. No food equals no energy. No energy means no movement, which was making everything sore in my entire body. I also felt like my feet were constantly about to fall asleep from lack of circulation. I thought that it might just be withdrawal from not taking any pain medication anymore, but after speaking to the surgeon's office on Monday morning, they explained the nausea was still from the anaesthetic. I also had a rash on my back and parts of my torso that was so itchy and uncomfortable. The good news was that I had managed to have a bowel movement the day after I got home, so at least something was back to normal. Imagine not passing anything for four days!

 So just as the nausea was starting to ease up a little after a few days, I started to cough all the time. This was intensely painful. I even had a sneeze that was so painful that I screamed out loud. The pain was all centred in the burning sentinel node area in my groin. After that, my fear of coughing or sneezing resulted in days upon days of trying everything in my power to stop my body from coughing. I couldn't sleep at all - I would get less than a few hours of sleep each night, and next to no sleep during the day. I took antihistamines thinking it might be related to allergies. I tried cough drops to keep my throat numbed as much as possible. My mom read that pineapple juice can help, so I tried that too. I even tried sleeping upright to reduce my chance of coughing. The house was dry since the weather was record-breakingly hot outside, so my mom tried turning on the air conditioning and using a diffuser to humidify the air a little. Nothing was working. Those days were painful and long and frustrating.

By the time Monday/Tuesday came around, I was feeling frustrated and a little depressed. My little sister brought me flowers and my older sister brought me a fruit smoothie - everyone was trying to help, but essentially my body just needed time to heal. Although the coughing still has not subsided completely after 12 days, it's somewhat better. The sentinel node pain is now about 75% of what it was. Still intensely painful, but I've begun to tolerate the pain to some degree. I had a fluoroscopy appointment at our local hospital on day 10 to get scanned to see if the bladder repair worked. I was so happy when the scan showed that I could have my catheter removed - the bladder had no leaks. Yay! Unfortunately, I was starting to bleed pretty badly again from the inside, which I believed was from some of the coughing I had been doing. I probably shook up some of the internal wounds which made them start bleeding heavily. I had a doctor's appointment with my G.P. at noon to remove my staples and catheter. She told me that the bleeding is nothing to be alarmed about, and it would eventually subside. It was nice to walk out of her office with no golden handbag for the first time in 10 days!

When I got back home, the surgeon called me with the pathology results from the tissue that was removed. She said that everything came back negative (all 14 nodes), except that the size of the tumour was larger than they had originally thought. It was closer to 4cm. Once you reach 4cm, it's considered stage 2, and the treatment plan changes. Although they believed they got all the cancer and the margins were good, she said it is recommended by the radiation oncologist that I proceed with radiation treatment due to the size of the tumour. It's more precautionary. This was not news I wanted to hear after the tough ride I'd just been through. She said I would be able to have the discussion during my follow-up appointment at BC Cancer Agency on June 5th. I would have a consult with the radiation oncologist. In the meantime, I am going to do some research on risk of recurrence based on my staging. I am not convinced I need radiation, but that's probably because I am not willing to accept it at this point.

My parents took me home to my own house that evening. It feels so good to be in my own bed and surrounded by my own things. Unfortunately, there are still so many things I can't do for myself yet, so I'll still be reliant on others for a while. I can't drive for 6 weeks, I can't walk my dog, I can't do laundry, vacuum, sweep, lift anything, or do anything strenuous. Fortunately, I'm able to go up and down the stairs okay ... albeit slowly. Recovery is coming, but it's so hard to be patient with myself. I plan to go to a movie with my niece tomorrow to get out of the house and feel a little normal. We'll see how that goes.

I probably won't post again until something else happens. Potentially after the appointment in Victoria on June 5th.